its monday tomorrow why does this keep happening
hungry and sleepy,
do i want to go eat or fall asleep
staying up all night because I can’t decide
Watching ulzzang shidae to remind myself all I need is photoshop
Walked in heels all day
My leg feels crippled
I’m awake crying.
Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed with how much I am able to love someone. And I just can’t understand what it is that he’s looking at when he stares at me for no reason, and I just can’t understand how giving and kind he is and how lovely it is when he gives me butterfly kisses and how he laughs at me when I watch him shave in the morning. How when I’m sad, he places a puppy in my lap and rubs my back and when my tummy is upset, he makes it warm, and every single time I need to get up, he takes my hand and helps me. When I’m tired he carries me and he doesn’t mind watching me sleep all day and when he’s embarrassed he hides under all the pillows and blankets. I can’t understand it at all because I’m awful and selfish and he’s so gentle and soft and brilliant. When I’m sick, he makes me soup and when he thinks something is cute he groans and kicks his legs and looks like he’s going to cry. And although we’ve been through a lot and we’ve both had our depression/anxiety swings, we’ve made it this far and I can’t ever see myself leaving. He still takes the time to tell me I’m beautiful and pretty and to tell me I smell nice or he likes my dress and that my legs look long today. And in the shower, he washes my hair, and in the bath, we listen to French music, and he lets me know that I look sexy when I smoke, and when we’re fighting we make up by angrily falling asleep and waking up and cuddling. He wants to take me to Taos and he wants to take me to Mexico and Canada and Europe and he wants to hike to Machu Picchu with me. He calls me Princess and Sweet Pea when I’m crying and we share sunglasses and hats and shirts. We talk about cinematography and soundtracks and we show each other new movies and we can lay silently and not speak a word and it’s still as lovely as any other moment. And I just love that finally I’ve found someone who loves me as much as I love them, because that’s never happened to me before. I honestly just can’t understand how it came to be at all but I’m so glad for it. I hope he never sees this because I’m going to look like a big old dork.